Gelato Mama has road rage … and she’s not even driving
Fast Times on Valley Drive
WRITTEN BY EMILY TECKLENBURG | ILLUSTRATED BY CHRISTINE GEORGIADES
South Bay, we have a problem.
Look … I get it. You are in a hurry. You are probably like super-important and really, really need to get where you’re going. Gosh, for all I know, you could be off to save the world or heading to the country club.
And I understand—as demonstrated by your aggressive, selfish driving—you’re probably better than most people. You shouldn’t have to put up with silly traffic laws and frivolous stop signs at crosswalks in front of schools that you rightfully find to simply be an inconvenience to your driving experience. Us peons really should have an inherent respect for you that forgives naturally your unfortunate character trait to not give a crap about anyone else.
But if I could perhaps, on behalf of my fellow Crazed Mothers, ask a simple favor of you? Can we not play Chicken with The Children? I can see how four-way stops next to parks may seem unnecessary, but I assure you that as predictable as The Children tend to be when making decisions, sometimes they get all crazy and cross the street assuming that an oncoming car will just … stop. At the stop sign.
I agree this insane conclusion is totally on them, but there is technically a stop sign there—so you can see where The Children, not yet completely educated on Your Self Worth versus Their Self Worth, would come to the wrongful conclusion and begin to cross the street … only to hopefully be halted before your vehicle runs them over.
And then you know what has to happen. I have to lose my shit. In front of The Children.
And while I like to think The Children will look back and remember a Mother all wild-eyed and protective—screaming at cars full of strangers to SLOW THE F DOWN—with a sense of pride and fondness, they will more likely just laugh at the many memories of their Mother getting flipped off and tauntingly being called ma’am (shudder), all while being exhilarated by her use of colorful language. Which is fine too. I’ll take what I can get.
It should be noted that just today as I was driving to my favorite writing spot, two cars drag raced—at 11 a.m.—down Valley Boulevard. And immediately following that, another car illegally passed me on the right to run a stoplight.
This was simply an encore performance after some jerk almost ran Daughter over as we were in the school crosswalk this morning. And his reaction to almost mowing over multiple Children as they walk to school? An eye roll and the inexplicable decision to take the corner even faster and speed away. Before us Crazed Mothers could get his license, I suppose.
But kidding aside, we’re all neighbors here. We care about one another. So if we love our community and our neighbors, why don’t we drive as if we do?
Let’s start driving like we care about each other.
Emily is a writer and mother behind the blog Gelato Mama.