Since when did sex become a bartering tool? And if that’s the way it really is, when did we give our men the memo about what is required of them?

  • Category
  • Written by
    Laurie Mcdermott

“He does nothing to help me, then he wants his way in bed? No dishes, no sex!”

Since when did sex become a bartering tool? And if that’s the way it really is, when did we give our men the memo about what is required of them? 

It all can start as innocently as when one partner goes to work, comes home and doesn’t share their day. The other partner, left to guess, is completely unable to understand or sympathize. Without even knowing what is going on, they subconsciously begin to hold back or pull away: “If you don’t give me what I want, I won’t give to you.”

Keeping score in a marriage leaves no room for love. So be the first to give.

It’s been suggested to many women over the years, “Men need and thrive on an intimate connection. If you deny or hold back sex, don’t be surprised if he finds it elsewhere.” 

Women respond to this comment with frustration: “But what about me? He’s not giving me what I need!”  

If both parties would stop complaining
about what they aren’t getting and just start
giving, everyone would be happy. Women
forget that it’s a man’s innate instinct to give, protect and cherish. If women get too demanding, pushy or “bitchy,” men feel hopeless and begin to disconnect.  

Right here is your cue to roll your eyes and say, “That’s so wrong! Why can’t he just suck it up and be a man?” The answer is simple: Men can’t give to a woman they resent because … ready? They don’t want to. 

This is one thing we don’t always understand. Men never do anything they don’t want to. Ever. They do want to please you, but you have to let them know you want to get there.


Here’s a question I pose to you: If you knew you could improve your relationship right now, would you be able to give 100% without expecting anything back? 

Studies say that when a woman puts her husband first, amazing things begin to happen: He feels loved, the kids feel safe, and the wife feels cherished. Often there is only one thing blocking that healthy loving relationship: your pride.  

Try putting your pride and ego in the cabinet for a week, even a month. Be kind and loving. Give and expect nothing back. 

Like when he walks in the door … hug him. When he walks beside you … hold him. When he wants sex … enjoy it. Initiate sex so much and so often that he starts saying no to you. Tell him you love him and appreciate him.

Try it. It won’t cost you a penny. And really, what’s the worst that will happen? Maybe he’ll give all that love and appreciate back.


Written by Laurie McDermott An award-winning comedian, travel  writer and host of thelifeexpert.com.

More Stories
Advertorials, Health

Support System

Beach Life Fitness Boutique offers female-focused fitness in a welcoming, inclusive atmosphere.